What spurred me on? Probably having re looked through the photos on my phone at the recent wedding fairs. Yes I AM GETTING MARRIED! Still slightly in shock myself, I mean I had always hoped we would but no matter how many times you hint or how many (and I mean MANY) links to engagement rings you send, it is still slightly unbelievable that it actually happened! Anyway, having booked tickets months ago the day finally arrived for the National Wedding Show in London and I had been awake since 6 am excited and patiently waiting for Vicky to pick me up. Once there we watched many ladies try on dresses, seeing their happy faces and their entourage welling up at the sight of them, I decided 'Heck, why not!'. Having rummaged through the racks I finally found one that was beautiful but totally not what I had imagined so decided this would be my first pick so I could ultimately rule it out. Once I had been squeezed and pulled into it, giving me a slight hourglass figure and feeling slightly comfortable, the assistant suggested we go outside to the big mirrors to gauge a better look. Well did I not feel like an animal at the zoo! Eyes EVERYWHERE! Judging and commenting whilst the assistant did a bit more pulling in and pulling up, telling me how I could look ... Could? Once moved to the BIG mirror, seeing my self in all my 'glory', she asked did I feel like a bride? Did I? I had another look, and ... no, I actually felt ridiculous, over dressed, like I was a child dressing up and FAT! Ultimately I felt fat fat fat! No matter how much she pulled the corset in I was still as wide as a lorry! How could I have the best day of my life, wearing the most expensive dress I'd ever own and still be fat! I asked to take it off and went home rather depressed. That day I made a promise I would try and lose weight by our potential year of 2018.
Ugh!!
So back to last Monday. I was looking back at these fat, shaming pictures, the pile of books in front of me and thinking why am I delaying it? I said I would be 'skinny' for my graduation and that ultimately failed, why would I delay getting fit and ready for the most important day of my life! So I looked up my local group, which happened to start in 25 minutes! Without thinking I jumped up, got dressed, zipped down to Sainsbury's to get the money out and in the blink of an eye I was walking into the hotel trying to find the right room! I walked in, it was reasonably busy, and I headed straight for the new members area, sat down with a magazine as if trying to hide ... why?! Amanda the consultant came over, and was very lovely, she acknowledged I had been before and we agreed I didn't need the new members talk, thank god! I sat through her group listening to everyone's results and how they had gotten on and though wow 'she's' lost a fair bit, I wonder if I could look like that? Then the group finished and it was now the scary bit ... WEIGHING! Even though I had weighed myself that morning this was terrifying! but result? I was 0.5lb lighter than home! Smallest victory ever, without even trying! Got my book, got my hifi bars, set my target and walked out excited to get going.
That night I made a food list, planned for the week and planned in my new 12 week diary (seriously cool!) The next day I spent a fair few hours going round Lidl, Tesco and B&M getting everything I could find, the cheapest I could find. Surprisingly ... one the cheapest weekly shops I've done in a while. I batch cooked 'Granny's soup' and 'Italian meatballs' and felt rather proud, and for the first time I think ever, I had managed to stick below my 15syns!
'Granny's soup'
'Italian Meatballs'
As the week progressed I found myself more determined than ever! Each day I ate more and more fruit. I did two lots of 2 mile walks in the woods, I managed to eat only half a bag of popcorn at the cinema with Sarah, I met Vicky for lunch, well her lunch I just had a diet coke and finished my soup when I got back home, and realised I had become one of those obsessive people with syns! I didn't really need any syns, and by the end of the week I felt t hat I was pushing myself to have syns. (2.5 syns for gravy was all I managed on Sunday!) When did I become one of those? Was it because I was determined to prove my MIL wrong and do the opposite to what she had been doing for the last TWO years! I remember telling myself daily 'Speed is the key' and that is exactly what I did for every meal. Whatever the reason it felt good to be so positive and involved with the 'diet'.
Walk in Dering Woods.
SPEED!!
Then came Sunday night ... could I sleep? Not a chance! It felt like I was going on a first date in the morning, literally sitting in bed with butterflies taunting myself with what could happen at weigh in. Mark finally started his silent snoring around 3.30 am and I knew I was in trouble. I lay there for a while longer, flicking through instagram looking for new ideas. After a quick toilet trip, Mark sleepily telling me his shelf was tipping (LOL), the last time I saw the clock it was 4.50 am ... then morning! I wish I could say I was less nervous but nope, butterfly's were still there. I patiently waited ALL day, only having a grapefruit and a coffee to try and not change the result (Idiot!). The closer it got to 5pm the worse I was feeling. I rushed to get ready, zoomed to group and waited .... and waited ... and waited ... (Seriously, the line had tripped since last week!) Finally it was my turn ...
Result; -5.5lb!!!
FANTASTIC! Or at least it would have been had any of the social team showed any recognition. Seriously a 'on you go' ... 'there's your book' was all I got out of them! Not even a well done! Are you joking me! Ugh! Was 5.5 not that good for a first week? I mean yes I had wanted 7lb at least but I wasn't going to complain about 5.5, and yet I walked away feeling slightly under accomplished and rather upset with myself. Mark of course told me to stop being so stupid and that 5.5lb wasn't exactly a feeble amount and that he was proud and so should I be, but I still had that 'I wanted 7lb' feeling. However, I wasn't going to let it stop me, it meant I only had 1.5lb to lose next week and with nothing in my way I don't see what should stop me! Here's to week 2!
Q; Why does someone you don't know, not congratulating you on your weight loss affect your own mood towards it?
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